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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]The first time I swallowed sperm was a purely reflexive thing. One moment, all I had in my mouth was the head of his dick and my own saliva and the next thing I knew, there was some other [I]stuff[/I] in my mouth; it was thick, salty and sweet and there was a lot of it and it was giving me a problem so I swallowed it and kept swallowing until there was no more [I]stuff [/I]in my mouth.

It tasted pretty good! I could feel it in my stomach, which felt a little queasy but not enough to make me throw up. I licked my lips and I could taste it there, too... and I knew I was [I]really[/I] on to something. Sucking on my friends' dicks, well, that felt good but there was none of the stuff to be tasted; I can't really say that I was disappointed but, then again, I guess I was but, um, the next time I had a grown up dick in my mouth?

Plenty of stuff to be swallowed and tasted and even if I sucked the same adult dick again, hmm - the stuff didn't always taste the same! Sometimes it was really salty; sometimes it was rather sweet and sometimes so bitter that before my brain could really register how bitter it tasted, I'd swallowed it anyway - yuck. Sometimes it was really thick; sometimes really thin and sometimes there was a lot of it and sometimes not a whole lot.

Sucking my friends - and when they got around to shooting the baby-making stuff (aka, da jizz) - was a lot more fun because they could shoot it in my mouth for me to swallow and do it again minutes later... and do it again and every time it tasted good and not that nasty bitter taste I didn't like all that much.

At first, I couldn't understand why some of the fellas didn't want to swallow jizz. You could shoot it in their mouth... and they'd spit it out and say that either it tasted nasty or it didn't feel right in their mouth. Oh, well - their loss. Between the ages of 9 and 16, I don't recall there ever being a time when I gave a guy a blow job and he came in my mouth and I didn't swallow it.

To me, it didn't make sense not to. I was finding that there were two kinds of guys: Those who swallowed and those who didn't... and the guys like me who swallowed were the more popular ones and especially with the other "old guys" - teenagers - who I'd find out would come looking for me because they somehow found out that if I sucked their dick, I was gonna swallow their jizz.

That seemed to be a very important thing and I didn't know why it was so important; all I knew - all I really cared about - was there were a lot of guys who were very happy to give me sperm to swallow. While sucking their dicks was all that and then some, being able to swallow their stuff was even better and for me, they couldn't shoot it fast enough to make me happy but, um, sometimes they did and since I didn't expect it, I'd sometimes get pretty pissed off because I didn't get a chance to swallow it all, damn them.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]The guy I've been mentoring for a few years now often tells me how much it bothers him when his lovers call him daddy and more so when they're older than he is (and by quite a few years). He's asked me why they do that and have asked if it was possible that their father made them gay... and I've allowed that it is possible (and because I know that's how some of the gay men I knew became gay) but if he really wanted to know, ask them why they keep calling him daddy.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]He found that it's because he's a take-charge kind of guy when it comes to having sex with them and, apparently, when he fucks them, it's with authority and who has as much or more authority than a father? Many of his lovers are bottoms and more than a bit submissive... and, as he tells me, are amazing cock suckers. We often talk about this "authority figure" stuff and whether or not, again, dad was laying the pipe to these guys or it was something they wanted but couldn't get... or maybe there was a lack of authority from their dad so when they run into a guy like my protégé, calling him daddy - and as a form of respect, if you will, just makes sense to them.

He better understands this - I think - but it still bothers him to be called a sexual kind of father figure and I understand why it does - and more so since it doesn't sit well with myself, either but, yeah, I understand it and I just accept that if a guy has daddy issues because dad was having sex with him, it just was what it was and regardless to what our morality says about it. We call it abuse but it has, for me, begged the question that if a guy was having sex with his dad and didn't feel abused - and because he was all for it - is it really abuse even though the law says it is?

A very sticky and potentially ugly situation and, again, don't shoot the messenger on this one.
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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I thought that this was just happening where I lived... then found out that, like everything else when it came to boys having sex with boys, it was all over the place! I'd met this one guy at the local YMCA and we somehow got to talking about having sex with other boys and decided that it would be a great idea if the two of us could get together and do it to each other. He lived in what we called the "rich people's neighborhood" and he and his family lived in a really nice house and all that good stuff. When I went to visit him, we went straight to his room and immediately started having sex and, wow - he was really good at it!

While taking a break, we were talking about each other being good at sucking and fucking and he just came out and told me that he learned how to suck cock and fuck... with his dad. I was shocked because my thinking that this only happened where I lived was wrong. He even bragged about talking his father into it and, honestly, I didn't believe him but thought that if this was like the guys in my neighborhood said, it was more like his dad wanted to do it to him and he was all for it.

Another guy told me that he waited for his dad to get drunk... then gave his dad a blow job and told me that he had wanted to suck his father's dick for the longest time and took advantage of the situation. Not only that but he said that every time his dad got drunk and they were the only ones at home, dad would get his dick sucked. I was shocked because this was more proof that what I saw and knew about in my neighborhood wasn't the only place this was happening.

And, yeah... he was one hell of a cock sucker.

As I grew up and would run into guys, it didn't surprise me all that much to find out that a lot of them got their first taste of dick from a father or step-father. Illegal and immoral as anything can be... but a real fact of life that some guys experienced and just like all things M2M, a fact of life we'd rather not say anything about other than to say how totally fucked up this is.

Ran into a lot of guys who asked if I'd be their daddy... and it would make me wonder why; were they one of those guys who was having sex with their dad... or were they one of those "other guys" who wanted to have sex with their dad but never did? Or was it just a role playing game that appealed to them for some reason? I'd have sex with some guys and they'd call me "daddy" and, to be honest, it used to bother the shit out of me big time but I learned to not let it bother me once I learned that being called "daddy" was, for them, a way to convey respect for my age and level of experience.

I mean, I'd never call another guy daddy and I do have a problem with some guys whose idea of sexy communication is asking me to call them daddy... yeah, not gonna do that but, also yeah, I kinda understand it a little and sometimes not at all; at the end of my day, it doesn't really make sense to feel some kind of way about it; maybe they either got dad's cock or maybe they wanted it and couldn't get it; maybe, like some guys, dad was a very strict kind of dude who was more about teaching them how to be a man and not so much the kind of guy who did father and son things, you know, like sports, fishing, stuff like that and things that father and sons are supposed to do.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]Were the guys with daddy issues cock suckers? They all were and very eagerly at that. As I commented, in today's terms, they were equally eager bottoms who weren't all that interested (if at all) in being the one to do the fucking but they'd fuck because, well, everyone else is fucking and no one wanted to be called out as a chicken.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]The guys with the "bad issues," I thought later on, were - let's say - cock suckers on a mission and their mission was to redeem themselves; the psychology behind this, I'd later learn, is pretty fascinating because we tend to think of these things as being destructively traumatizing and as a matter of course... but these guys weren't the kind of kids who, due to their trauma, always got into trouble, did bad in school, stuff like that and, again, when the fellas got together to have sex - or in a one-on-one setting - they had no problems joining in.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]I knew it was bad... but was it really as bad as we'd been hearing?[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]I watched one of my friends have sex with his dad - some really scary shit! We were playing in his room and his dad came in and said, "It's that time and you know what you did!" I'm thinking that, oh, shit - he's gonna get a beating for something and I looked at my friend with great sympathy and expected to see fear in his eyes... but he was smiling! His dad looked at me with that "You'd better not say anything!" look, pulled out his dick and my friend literally tripped over himself rushing to suck it. All I could do was sit there and look as my friend sucked his dad's dick and then laid down so he could get fucked.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]And the whole time, my friend was deliriously happy. When his dad got done and left, my friend told me that this was a game they'd been playing for a long time and that it was [I]his[/I] idea to play this game. I think about that today and it gives me chills and not in a good way but at that moment? I admit that I came in my underwear and I did feel very jealous.

Don't shoot the messenger - I'm just telling you what I know. We went back to playing and as if what I'd witnessed never happened and later, we had sex with each other and he had told me that his dad knew he was having sex with his friends and, I guess, it wasn't a big deal.

Later, I'd realize that not only were these incidents a lot more common than we care to believe, the guys others would say were badly abused and traumatized were anything but that; they welcomed this attention and those who did said that, believe it or not, they had a good relationship with their father. I'd later learn that even back then, there were parents - and fathers in particular - who believed that if their son was going to learn about sex, it was best that they learned about it at home rather than to be out in the street and learning and, potentially, getting into serious trouble.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]A member posed the question of whether male cock suckers have daddy issues and one of the things I knew of growing up was there were quite a few guys in our "Horny Boys Club" who got introduced to dick by their dad or step-dad. Sordid shit, I know, but it was what it was back then so don't shoot the messenger.

In my last comment about this, I said that most of the guys I knew who got introduced this was were well-adjusted and showed no signs of being traumatized; indeed, the majority of them confessed to wanting something to happen and, sometimes, because they'd gotten a look at dad's dick and, I'd have to guess, getting the fires lit within them. At the time - and, again, please don't shoot the messenger - we'd sit around and talk about our first time and who we had it with and for some guys, you could tell that they were envious or jealous of the guys who had their dad's dick for their first experience and many of us - and read this as those of us who didn't have this first experience - thought it was pretty cool and, no, don't even ask me why we did.

We just did. There were four guys in particular that I knew for a fact that when they weren't having sex with the rest of us, their need for dick was being taken care of by their dad and maybe it was a coincidence that they were the only child. One of our cadre was as gay as a three-dollar bill but I knew - even if no one else did - he was gay because he had two sisters who treated him like he was their sister and I knew his dad was giving it to him because he told me and his sisters confirmed it.

It's not to say that none of us knew that this was a bad thing because we did; there were a few guys who wound up with daddy issues and things weren't all that okay with them emotionally but, strangely, when it came to having sex with the rest of the fellas, well, you wouldn't have known of any trauma. They didn't like having to give it to their dads but they went along with it since, in those days, their punishment for refusing would have been a lot worse. This one guy "disappeared" for a long time and we had wondered where he was since we knew that his family hadn't moved. When we saw him again - maybe two weeks after the last time we saw him - he told us that his dad wanted to fuck him and he said no... and got beaten really bad.

I don't know about the other guys but being the smart kid I was, it wasn't hard for me to understand why the guys getting dad's dick would just go along with it and did the best they could to deal with the situation.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]My biggest secret was that I was learning some stuff about sex that I wasn't supposed to know. I'd spend a lot of time at the public library and sneaking around to read all the stuff about sex that I could manage to do... and there was a lot of stuff to read. I learned the word "incest" and how wrong that was but, apparently, that wasn't anything new... and I also learned the word "bisexual" and I still laugh at myself when I stumbled across that word - while looking for another one for school - and blurted out into the silence of the library, "So [B]that's [/B]what I've been doing!"

Who knew there was a word for liking to have sex with boys and girls? We all knew what a "homo" was and I learned that "homo" was short for "homosexual" and those were boys or girls who only did it with boys or girls... but I liked having sex with both... and now I knew the word for it.

Bisexual. It explained a whole lot of things. Not only had I learned that anyone could have sex with anyone else - and even if they were related to you (and it was very, very wrong to do that) but you could do it with a boy and do it with a girl if you wanted to (and they wanted to, of course)... which I'd been doing all along and with great glee and gusto. I couldn't get enough of having sex and it just did not matter whether it was with another boy or with a girl and more so when I learned - with my sister - that girls really liked it when you licked their pussy and sucked on "the little man in the boat."

I was in my element and while, over time, guys were spending more time chasing girls and trying to fuck them - and often failing - I knew that if I couldn't get a girl to have sex with me, I could find a boy - or they'd find me - and we could have sex. Sucking on each other's dicks. Fucking each other. So very wrong... and so very good. I learned that this just wasn't happening where I lived; it was all over the place and it just wasn't us Black guys who had learned about having sex like this - white guys liked doing it, too... and it seemed to me more than Black guys did. Maybe it was just me but I didn't have too many white male friends who were either just as eager - and sometimes much more - as I was to do it or were very eager to find out about it.

Doing it with both boys and girls (and even between brothers, sisters, and cousins) was [B][I]everywhere[/I][/B]! Not everyone I came in contact with was like me... but a lot of people were. Hanging out with someone; being bored because there was nothing to do or we'd done some stuff and... hey - do you wanna do it with me?

Sure! I had a hard time trying to figure out if Black guys or white guys loved doing it more but, again and to me, the white guys were a lot more eager and fearless; if I didn't have any problems with it, my white friends made me look like I did have a problem with it and so much that when I'd meet with them, they'd say hello... then say, "Let's go somewhere so we can do it to each other - and I know just the place!"

Yeah... everyone seemed to think that being Black or white was so very and terribly different... and I was learning that we weren't as different as everyone said. None of us cared about color - all we cared about was getting as naked as we could - and depending where we were - and sucking and fucking each other silly and just because we could... and it was fun.

And while many of the guys I knew left all of this behind, I never did; it didn't make sense to. I knew the dirty little secrets of sex that I wasn't supposed to know and wasn't supposed to do, like fucking my sister and us having a field day going down on each other. Or my horny and major pain in the ass brother and the guy who I couldn't get along with but when we were having sex with each other, we got a long just fine and the fact that we got caught in the act didn't change a thing.

People would say that I was too young to know about sex, let alone having it and definitely not with other boys... and I knew it was all bullshit. Sure, it was wrong but I had learned that just because everyone said it was wrong didn't mean that no one was doing it... because they were and age didn't mean shit... and so much for the adults saying that we didn't know what we were doing.

We sure as hell knew exactly what we were doing. I had... concerns and it made sense to but I still remember the day I was happily fucking my sister and mentioned my concerns about it and her telling me that as long as I didn't get her pregnant, she didn't see what the problem was - and that I should shut the fuck up and eat her pussy some more and get back to fucking her.

I learned what I wasn't supposed to learn... and I don't regret any of it. Sucking a grown-up dick or having him doing his part to make it easier for me to take dicks in my ass? Wrong as anything else... and I didn't give a damn about that. I was having sex. Sucking dick. Swallowing sperm. Getting fucked silly and getting my butt filled to overflowing with jizz, spunk and everyone's new favorite word: Cum. Jerking off any time I felt like doing it and then being "nasty" and licking my cum off my fingers. And who knew that licking a girl's pussy after you cum in it could taste so good? Okay... she wasn't gonna kiss me after eating her anyway but that was okay, too.

Have a guy fuck me, clean off his dick, and then suck it until he came again? Way too much fun. Sucking off a bunch of guys? No biggie and neither was having a lot of guys lined up to fuck me in the ass; that was so heavenly and comfortable that I very much recall taking a nap at some point and only waking up when the guy fucking me yelled out that he was cumming - and, boy, did he ever cum in me!

How could something that everyone said was so damned bad be so good? Because it is bad... and it is very much good.


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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I had shot my first load of sperm into a girl (and my second and third loads into the same girl) and one day, oh, maybe a week later, I was home alone (I don't remember why) when one of my friends was knocking on the door like he was the police. I could have company so I let him in and he was excited about something and it wasn't hard to see that he was excited because he was talking really fast and couldn't stand still.

"I gotta show you something!" he said. "Watch this!"

He pulled his pants down so I could see his dick... and I was thinking, "So what? I've seen it before!"

"Keep looking!" he said and made a circle with his thumb and first finger... and started pulling on his dick! Okay... what was he doing? He started doing that slowly until his dick got hard - then he started going faster. I was intrigued and so much that, for some reason, I needed a closer look at what he was doing so I knelt down in front of him and with my face close to what he was doing. I was so transfixed on what he was doing that when he blurted out, "I'm gonna do it!" I didn't move... and got the surprise of my life when his jizz shot out of the head of his dick... and hit me in the face! It surprised me so much that I actually plopped down on my butt.

"You can do it, too!" he said. "Try it!"

Oh, I had to! I pulled my pants down - my dick was already hard - and I did what I saw him do and, oh, boy, did [I]that [/I]feel good!

"Keep going!" he said so I did and it didn't take long for that good, scary, and funny feeling to hit me - and my jizz shot out and was going all over the place!

"We can do this when we want to do the nasty but can't do it to somebody!" he said.

God... it was so funny - well, today it is. We were standing in my room and jerking each other off until there were a couple of puddles of jizz on the floor, which I had to clean up before my parents came home and found it. Shit... this was just as good as doing it to somebody! But, wait - wasn't this what my parents told me not to do - don't play with myself [I]down there[/I] or I might go blind? What a load of bull! Not only did I not go blind, but when I looked at my hand, there wasn't any hair growing on my palms!

That was about the time I found out that using toilet paper to clean up the mess was making my parents ask what the hell was happening to all of the toilet paper. Uh-oh... and more so when they were giving me some very suspicious looks. I was very sure they both knew why the toilet paper was getting used up quickly but they never said anything to me about it... but I had to figure out another way to clean up the mess I was making when I was jerking myself off.

One night, jeez, I was so horny it wasn't funny. I wanted to do it so bad! But my brother and sister, who would want to do it with me, were asleep and I didn't dare wake them up because they'd get mad and that would wake our parents up. I went to the bathroom, closed and locked the door - and as we were being told to do - and started jerking myself. Ah... it felt so good and I liked watching myself do this - that made doing it feel even better! The really funny feeling crawled all over me and my jizz started shooting out, oozing all over my fingers (I was careful not to let it get on the floor) and once I was done, I looked at the nearly empty roll of toilet paper and thought that I'd better not use it up and I didn't know what to do.

Now, what I [I]should[/I] have done was get off the toilet and just wash my hands but that's not what I did because something in my head asked, "What does your jizz taste like?" Only one way to find out, huh? I started licking my jizz off my fingers and, what do you know? Even though it was really cool and all that, it tasted pretty good although, admittedly, I really felt like I had to throw up once I started licking it up... but that was better than having to listen to my parents getting on my case about using the last of the roll and not getting another one - and I couldn't do that because where we kept the toilet paper was in the closet - and in the room - my parents used as their bedroom!

But now I learned something else, didn't I? I could jerk off and not leave one bit of evidence - missing toilet paper or sticky towels - lying around! A friend did tell me that he'd jerk off on a sock but I never did that because it was bad enough having to explain the missing underwear so explaining why I had socks missing? Besides, I liked the way my jizz tasted and learned that it was better to lick it up before it got too cool.

It would be a lot of years later before I found that I could suck my own dick and cum in my mouth... but back then? It was so... nasty to taste your own jizz that those of us who figured this out would break out with laughter because we were being some really bad boys. The good part was that when we were together and doing the nasty to each other, we didn't have to lick up our own jizz... because we were all too happy to swallow each other's jizz until none of us could shoot any more of it.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]So very nasty... and so very good. Still, as much as I liked being fucked and fucking my friends, being able to settle in to suck them until they shot jizz was even better and even in my young age, it wasn't hard to figure out that if they shot it in my mouth, there was no worry about having evidence leaking out of my butt and onto my underwear, something one of my friends found out when he got questioned about a white, crusty substance in the back of his underwear. He got punished (read this as he got his ass beat really good) and the word spread among us that when we fucked each other in the butt, throw the underwear away if the jizz leaked out.

I threw away a lot of underwear. My mom got suspicious and wanted to know why I had underwear missing and, yes, I lied like a rug and would tell her, most of the time, that I had holes in them but that wasn't really that much of a lie; my father would often say that I had acid in my butt with the way I'd wind up with holes in my underwear! But it was a good "lie" to cover up the fact that I was throwing them away - and not in our trash - because I was being fucked, jizz was being shot in my butt, and it would eventually leak out and get all crusty on my underwear.

But I have to back up just a little bit... and to the day I learned about jerking off.[/SIZE][/FONT]