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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Earl and I wound up back in his bedroom and there we were on his bed, locked into a serious 69 that included fingers being used to fuck each other's holes... but I was distracted because the things that made such a difference to him didn't make much of a difference to me. For the first time between us, dicks replaced fingers in each other's butts and him for the first time but for me, seriously old news.

I laid under him, feeling his weight on me and his dick being shoved into me with some... urgency and in my mind, who he was didn't make any difference to me but being able to have his dick in my ass was all that I really cared about and more so when, duh, we didn't have a beef with each other. It felt like he'd busted the biggest nut he ever did in my ass and it felt gloriously "nasty..." but it always did and no matter who was fucking me and if I really "noticed" anything, it was how comfortable his dick felt in me.

It took some doing to get my dick into him but we managed it and as I gently fucked him he asked me, "So it can feel this good even if the guy is white or whatever?"

"Yeah," I said. "It really doesn't matter to me all that much."

"Even with some old dude?" he asked.

"Still doesn't matter a whole lot," I said, feeling my dick starting to get fatter in Earl's ass. He moaned, I groaned and cussed and exploded inside him and that part of my brain that never gets affected by anything took note that cumming in my friend's ass felt just as good as any other guy's ass I had cum in and, no, when he had cum inside me, there was only the fact that it felt good that he creamed me.

Why would anything else really matter? Back in the old neighborhood, sure - the word had gotten around that if you wanted to do it with a guy, just come and find me and I'd be more than happy... and it was clear that was very much more than happy to suck them until they came or to have them fucking my ass until they came. I was really understanding that it wasn't the guy so much... but the sex? That's what mattered the most to me and it just "made sense" to me - and in ways that I really didn't understand - that if I liked it as much as I obviously did, saying no a whole lot to any guy didn't make a lot of sense even though, sure - sometimes, letting a guy do it to me wasn't always thought of as such a great idea but, okay - it happened and that's a good thing because it could have not happened... and there's no fun in not getting any dick at all.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]As it turned out, I wouldn't find the answer to that question for another ten or twelve years in the future and even then, yeah - it made sense to be more discerning in this but made no sense to eliminate or disqualify guys like so many other dudes were doing so it was still any guy who wanted to... as long as they were okay with me... except any guy with an uncut dick - still wasn't going to give him a blow job and he might have to settle for being jerked off since I saw the sense in not letting "everybody" get into my ass and as I'd done as a matter of course and fact.

I'd hooked up with Earl again a few days later and as we walked and talked he asked me if I'd ever done it with a guy who wasn't Black and I said that, sure, I had; what's the big deal? He got this look of... loathing on his face and asked me why I'd do it with a white guy and it took me a moment to process the question and to understand what he was getting at and more so when racial tensions in the city were just beginning to ease after being dangerously high. To answer his question, I just said, "They have dicks like every other guy does so why turn them down because they're white or whatever?"

"So, if I was a white guy, we'd still do it?" he asked.

"Sure, as long as we were okay with each other," I said. "I know, if nobody else does, that white dicks get hard, shoot sperm, and get soft just like any other dick and, to be kinda honest, some white guys are more fun to do it with."

He asked me if white guys (or any guy who wasn't Black) was better and I said no - it wasn't about who was better but it was about being willing to do it to each other that really mattered. Earl kept giving me the third degree about the different kinds of guys I'd done it with and there was a couple of things about that. One was he was starting to piss me off with all of these questions... and it was making me very damned horny and it was obvious it was doing the same thing to him.

"My parents raised me not to discriminate against someone unless they did something to me to piss me off," I said. "So, no - I didn't care what color the guy was or what he looked like or anything else and as long as he was okay with me, there was no reason not to have sex with them. Their dicks taste and feel good just like anybody else's."

He looked at me like I'd lost my mind and asked, "So, really - any guy? No matter what?"

"Yes," I said.

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"No, it doesn't - should it?" I felt good being able to say that because after a few days of kinda beating myself up for being so eager and easy, I realized that there was no reason for me to feel bad about letting or wanting any guy who wanted to do it, do it, well, as long as my instincts didn't tell me it would be a bad idea.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I spent the rest of the day thinking about myself in this and pretty much accepting that I'd been running around having sex with any guy who wanted to because having sex was the greatest thing since sliced bread... or anything else that had ever been invented and because it was so forbidden, that made doing it even more fun. It wasn't that I didn't care that it was a bad thing to or that I didn't know that it was because I did know and I did kinda care... and not a hell of a lot. So there was no way in hell I could ever say that I didn't know what I was doing.

When a guy finds out how good it can be to get some dick, he can just go off the reservation to keep getting more; I saw this in myself early on and in my friends and other guys... but I didn't really pay it any real attention because I was too hyped and focused on being able to get all the dick I could and to keep the fun of it going and it was even more exciting to know and meet other guys who were just as "cock crazy" as I was. I knew that this... insanity wasn't just something that went on where I lived; it was "everywhere" in the city and I had learned that it was "everywhere" whenever I'd go out of state somewhere and, well, some guys were crazier than others and that wasn't a bad thing.

Why would I want, let, or allow anyone with a dick have sex with me? Why not do what a lot of guys were now doing and being very picky about who they did it with? I reasoned that I was the way I was about it because to not be that way wasn't a lot of fun. There were times when I'd tell a guy that I didn't want to do it or, yeah, sometimes tell that lie that I'd never done it with a guy and didn't want to; either I just didn't feel like it or, as I'd later understand, there was just something about him that "told" me that doing something with him would be a huge mistake and I had long since learned to trust my gut instincts.

Otherwise, why not? I didn't care if the guy was white, Black, "Puerto Rican," short, tall, fat, skinny, ugly or good looking, older than me, way older than me, my age, or even a bit younger and being related to me somehow didn't mean a damned thing.

After I left Earl, I wandered around thinking about all of this and I had an epiphany; it hit me that while I was probably right to be thinking the way I was thinking, there wasn't a damned thing I could do about whatever I'd already done and I have to admit that in the moment that hit me, it was such a revelation that, um, I actually walked into a phone pole and gave myself a bloody nose for my lack of attention. I found myself sitting in my room with a sore nose and asking myself if it would be to my... benefit to be like other guys were being an only let certain guys get into my underwear. One part of my mind said that would be a good thing... and another part was asking, "What would be the point in that? Why would you want less dick when you're so used to getting more dick?"[/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]I didn't start being picky about the guys I had sex with until I was in my mid-20s; otherwise, it was any guy who wanted to do whatever as long as it wasn't something I knew I didn't like and the only exception I had was for guys with uncut dicks; could barely stand to touch them for a hand job, wasn't going to suck them no matter what and the best they could hope for was they'd get to "hide" their ugly dick in my ass where I couldn't see it.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]I didn't really start thinking about my... eagerness for sex with guys until I was 13; I was talking to a guy and we were talking about sucking dicks and when he had told me that he had only sucked maybe ten guys, it made me think of how many guys I had sucked and, in particular, how eager and, shit, easy it was for guys to get me to suck them or be fucked by them. The guy I had been talking to said I was one lucky motherfucker and while I half-heartedly kinda said that I was, now I was thinking that maybe luck didn't have anything to do with it and whatever was really involved may or may not have done me any favors.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]It wasn't that I felt bad about any of it or that I had regrets; that conversation just put it in my head that [/FONT][I]maybe[/I][FONT=verdana] I shouldn't have been so gung-ho about this and I was beginning to understand that some of the the many guys I'd been with mistook my eagerness for being naïve and gullible - and I was neither of those things.

I just liked dick. A lot. Well, not the uncut ones so much but they'd feel good in my butt.

The guy I'd been talking to - let's call him Earl - went off to blow each other and as many times as we could manage; in between, he was talking about the kind of guys he liked doing it with and he was rather proud that not everyone could get a piece of him and it had me thinking about myself being the complete opposite and how much I didn't care about the things Earl was telling me he cared about. I'd said as much to him and he got this look on his face that, even today, I couldn't make sense of; it was surprise and maybe something other than that and whatever it was probably wasn't nice.

For the first time in my life, I really did feel like a slut and it didn't make me feel any better to have this thought in my head... while being a slut about sucking Earl's dick and rejoicing every time he shot his load into my mouth. After the third time creaming each other's tonsils, we sat and debated on whether we could go one more time before his people got home and he had said, "Now I understand why you've had way more dick that I have - and we're the same age!"

Yeah... I understood it, too, and now much better than I had before Earl and I started talking... and it made me second-guess my actions. We did go a fourth time and while neither of us produced any sperm, it still felt good and because I knew it did, it brought other thoughts to my mind and thoughts that, until now, I never really paid any attention to.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I maintain that if you want to know why - and then know why it's so hard to put into words, do this: Suck a dick and let a guy suck yours. Let the cum flow. Taste it. Feel it. Spit it out or swallow it. Just do whatever you gotta do to find out what myself and so many other cock sucking dudes have learned.

Not only what it's like... but how hard it is to explain it. Chance are that I know more about this than anyone would really care to know but that's just the way I am; I very much needed to know why something that was supposed to be so goddamned bad felt so goddamned good and I found out why it does... just don't ask me to explain it in great detail - I've never been able to explain it totally and completely without sounding like an idiot... but I do know why. I know that anyone who suck cock knows why it is the way it is for them and why they can't ever get enough.

Men suck cock and get sucked by other men... because it can be done. Both things feel very damned good. It's exciting and so very addictive to have a guy's cock in your mouth and then feeling it pumping his load of spunk into your mouth and then swallowing it because there really is something indescribably erotic about consuming the essence of a man. Does it scare me? Worry me? No, it doesn't and I do know the risks and the simplest way to avoid them: When in doubt, just leave the dick alone; just walk away from it.

The only thing that's better than sucking dick is eating pussy and I even know why that is... just don't ask me to explain it. If you can't accept that I suck dick because I can and because I absolutely love doing it and as the very simple reasons, then I don't know what to tell you except maybe you need to suck a dick so you can know like I do and including how fucking hard it is to speak to the why of it. Men suck cock because we can suck cock; it's the way it's always been and the way it will always be. Any man can suck a dick [B]if[/B] he wants to and the reason why he'd want do, at the end of the day, doesn't really matter as long as it makes sense to him. He's either gonna get hooked on it... or he won't. Simple. What else does anyone really need to know about it?[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Or, for even more "fun," try explaining it to other guys and especially if they don't believe that guys should be blowing each other... but they know good and damned well that guys do just that and not all of them who do are gay. You just can't tell some guys, "I suck dick because I can, it can be done, and it feels good;" because, in their minds, there is just no reason for guys to blow each other... even though what I said is, in fact, three reasons.

I got to the point where I just kinda gave up trying to intelligently explain it and I'd tell a guy, "If you really wanna know, pull your dick out and I'll show you, okay?" It's hard enough trying to explain this to someone and it's even harder trying to explain it when everything they believe just isn't going to let them accept whatever I tell them about how attractive, sensual, intimate and, yeah, fun it is for two guys to get together and suck each other off and as many times as possible.

Does it mean that I'm really gay? Oh, fuck, no! You don't have to be gay to get into cock sucking - you just gotta want to experience it and if you don't suck dick, you won't really understand the why of it. Why would I let another guy blow me? Uh, what part of "it feels good to have your dick sucked" don't you understand? What does sperm taste like? I know the science of this but the short version is that it can taste good and taste bad and if it tastes bad to to you, just spit it out - you're allowed to spit it out. Does sucking dick make me feel girly? Sometimes it does but I learned a very long time ago not to pay attention to it or to even think like that since, duh, I'm not a girl... but I do love sucking cock. Do you really and still believe that sucking a dick is a thing that only women can do (and are supposed to do)?

If you do, well, you're wrong about that and I've said this to people as well as telling them that I don't give a fuck what they believe or think they know: Guys become cock suckers because it feels good to suck cocks; if you want to know specific reasons, go ask him... and then see if he can really explain it. It's not my fault that people who don't suck dick can't understand anything about it and it's not my fault that any attempts to explain it intelligently just goes over their head and no matter how simply I try to explain it.

If you wanna know, suck a dick. I don't really pretend to understand how some people get sucking a dick and being sucked by a guy so confused since, duh, it's two different things but still related to one really simple thing: [B]It feels very damned good either way[/B]. What other reason is needed? And if I get all into what I've learned about cock sucking, why can't you understand it? For me, the worst thing ever is to explain it in simple terms and ask them if it it makes sense to them... and they say, "Yeah, but..." and the "but" is all about them and what they wouldn't or couldn't do which, of course, has nothing to do with why I suck cock and love it so much.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Let's jump ahead a whole lot of years, shall we? I would eventually learn why it was so much fun, what was so fucking attractive and addictive about it but there's no... simple explanation and it was just simpler to show a guy how much fun it was than it was to explain it and more so when I'd discovered that there are some things about blowing a guy that there just aren't any words for.

I remember being with a female lover who knew I went both ways and her asking me why I liked eating pussy so much and why I was so good at it and I had told her that maybe it was because I knew how to suck cock, to which she nodded and said it made sense... but why did I like sucking cock so much and, even better, why did so many guys seem to like giving each other head...

And I couldn't answer her. I knew the answer - I just couldn't find the words for it. I told her what I could and I could tell that while I tried to do that, eh, sometimes she'd look at me like I was crazy or something and I eventually said that I couldn't explain it but also asked her, "Why do you like doing it so much?" - then watched her get that look on her face the moment she discovered that she, like me, really couldn't answer the question except to say that she loved doing it, it made her feel good, and she liked the taste of sperm and got off being able to make a guy cum like that. We were both avid - and good - cock suckers so it wasn't like neither of us didn't know what the answer to "why" was:

We couldn't explain it without sounding like we'd lost our minds or something like that.

And there were still so many guys asking questions about it; the best explanation I could come up with was often so far over their heads that it was still easier to show them than to tell them but you know how it can be, don't you? So many guys were just scared to find out about it and it made sense that if you could tell them the why of it and that it wasn't really as terrible as everyone said it was, it made their decision to go for it or not easier. What did it feel like to me? I knew exactly how and what it felt like, from the moment the dick went into my mouth to how I felt after I made the dick soft again and it was no longer in my mouth and, of course, everything in between.

I just fucking couldn't explain [B]why[/B] even though I knew why. I'd find myself saying stuff like, "It's a guy thing..." which, duh, it obviously was; I had learned as much of the history and theory of homosexual sex that I could that did, indeed, understand why sucking dick was the big deal thing it was (and still is for many) but who really wants to hear the long version of it? Well, anyone who couldn't accept me saying the simple version of it: I just love sucking cock. It's a good answer... but it isn't [B]the[/B] answer a lot of both men and women were looking for. To me, you haven't "lived" until you try explaining this to a woman and especially one who is as much of a cock sucker as you are; you'd think that she'd know like you know, right? But, no! A lot of women continue to believe that guys blowing each other is so wrong and nasty and it just doesn't seem to make sense to them why we'd want to do it as much as we do.

I still remember having this conversation with our live-in girlfriend and her going on and on about her not understanding why I needed a guy to blow me; I remember the look of total confusion on her face when I did my best to explain to her that it wasn't so much about having a guy blow me but the reason why I liked having a guy do it is because, duh, I love having my dick sucked... but I suck dick for the same reason she loved sucking dick so much and when I pointed that out to her by asking her why she loved sucking dick - and she told me the short version of it, even when I said, "You just answered your own question..." she still didn't get it.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Even in the early days, guys who hadn't discovered the fun of sucking dick would ask me why I did it and what was it like to do it and the best I could do was to say it was fun despite being "nasty" and that if they really wanted to know, lemme suck your dick and show you. Some guys were just too... chicken to give it a try but many more couldn't resist the curiosity to find out why a lot of their male friends were spending so much time sucking on each other's dicks until the baby-making stuff came shooting out.

And then they, too, became shamelessly hooked on it. We quickly learned that we could do it pretty much anywhere and more than once if we were in the right place that would allow us the time to just suck on each other's dicks until they wouldn't get hard anymore. Of course, if we really had the time and privacy, sure - we'd fuck each other and as much as I liked having guys shooting their stuff in my butt, it still wasn't as... satisfying as feeling and tasting their dick in my mouth then feeling their stuff being shot in so I would swallow it all.

I still didn't know why it was so damned exciting but I was beginning to ask myself why it was and especially after that day when I sucked off nine of my friends and swallowed so much sperm that I threw it up at one point - then went right back to sucking off the rest of the guys. You'd think that after that, the fun of it would be... diminished but all it did was crank my need to do it even higher. Still, those who were still on the outside looking in would ask questions about it and I still didn't have an answer other than, "It feels really good!" I couldn't explain to them what it was like to have a guy humping his dick in and out of my mouth; those of us who were happily sucking on adult dicks did come to the consensus that what made sucking their pricks so much fun was, um, that wasn't supposed to happen like that, their pricks were way bigger than any of ours, and they sure had a lot of stuff for us to swallow. Besides, with those big dicks, it was easier to suck them than it was getting them stuffed into our butts and even after we got used to getting them stuffed in our butts.

But since there wasn't always time for that, sucking them until they shot in our mouth was just more convenient; the "bad" part was that the grown-ups somehow couldn't get hard again so they could shoot more stuff in our mouths, not like we could do but it was so much nasty fun to have them suck on our dicks until we shot and, again, if time allowed, they could keep sucking us and making us shoot until we just couldn't do it anymore.

For something that everyone said was so horribly and terribly bad for guys to be doing, it sure the hell was way too much fun of a thing to do. And I [B]still[/B]​ didn't know why it was.[/SIZE][/FONT]