Hi All - are you in an open marriage? (i.e. have approved relations outside of your marriage) If so, how do you organize it? There are many factors to consider, such as how much info your partner gets/wants, quick hook-ups vs longer term relationships, location of other person, travel, when relations occur, effect on your marriage, effect on your parenting, etc. I'm currently working through this and finding it overwhelming because I want it to cause as little damage to my relationship as possible.
Our marriage is not open, the wife does let me 'fool around' but only with myself.. I ask occasionally if she has changed her mind but so far not even close so I must take the situation in hand.
So, when you say "take the situation in hand" you mean literally, as in, with just you and your hand? Or do you mean going outside on your own?
literally, in my right hand usually . I will not play outside the marriage unless she gives the OK or preferably would join. But oh how I would like to. I've met, via messaging, several on this site who I would like to get together with and should she ever agree, they will certainly be the first to know.
ditto!
Well my marriage is open on my side... but only for a little while now. This is what we've worked out so far. I told you about my first experience outside of my marriage and it didn't go so well. Since, I've tried again and it went much better than the last time. When we first started talking about the marriage being open on my side, there was a minor jealosy issue on my wifes part, and an even worse guilt issue on my part. As my wife has gotten used to the idea of me being bisexual, however, her jealousy has pretty much dissapeared... I still have some lingering issues with guilt but am very quickly getting over them. At first, she wanted me to limit it to about once a month or so, but I've had two excursions in less than a month already and she has decided to lift time restrictions from this, after doing this twice she is already perfectly comfortable with it and says if it gets to be too much she will let me know. On my part I can say that I'm not gonna try to push my luck, and intend to self limit to about once a week or so. I do go into detail with her about what I do when I go out (like down and dirty details) and that's one of the things that's made her more comfortable with it. She says that she apreciates my honesty on this and is even slightly turned on by it at times. The only thing she doesn't want to know detail wise is if a guy blows his load in my mouth, cause well she thinks that's kind of gross ) But other than that enjoys the talks we have afterward. It really is quite candid when we talk about it, we joke we laugh and that goes a long way toward reassuring me that it really is ok with her. If I do manage to find someone I'd like to do this with on a regular basis, she does want to meet the guy and make sure that she is comfortable with him before giving me the ok to enter into a regular thing. I really don't mind that at all, In fact I value her opinion and would like to know what she thinks of a guy that I may be thinking of seeing on a more long term basis. If it's just a once or twice type of thing I do tell her exactly where I'm gonna be and who I am gonna be with. That's where we are at so far... It is looking like it is gonna be a perfectly copacetic situation for the both of us. We have quickly gotten over most all of our issues that we had in the begining and honestly I can say that we both feel closer together now than we did before.
just a quick addendum to my last post. If you want to move into an open relationship communication is paramount to achieving this. Reassure your wife that she is the love of your life, that she is the one you've made a commitment to, and that she is the one you intend to spend the rest of your life with... She has to know that there will never be a situation where you would even consider the possibility of leaving her for another man. Also, never give up on the communication, you have to get the ball rolling and keep it rolling. This isn't something you just talk about once or twice. I'm not saying you should keep pushing if she's obviously not going for it, as that will just drive a wedge between the two of you. You have to keep conversation candid, affable and copecetic. Remember it may take her time to get fully comfortable with the idea of letting you fool around with another guy. If you can get her laughing and joking with you about it than it's gonna make her feel much more at ease.
thanks for all of you honest sharing axlton, between us we could right a book!
Well it is starting to feel like I'm writing a book with each new post but then one idea leads to another and I can never seem to find a good stopping point.
Axlton is right communication is key it can make or break your possibility for an open marriage. My wife and I are both bi as I have stated in other threads I knew she was bi when I got with her but she had know idea about me. After I came out to her we found this site. We tried and did go meet another couple though the wife is uncomfortable with her own body so it ended up nothing happening. After that I kind of backed off for awhile from the idea of meeting people. After a year or so I found myself back here after browsing around a while and she knew I wanted to meet people we finally discussed the idea quite a bit and she eventually gave me the go ahead. On my first meeting I went met the guy we clicked a little bit and blew each other it was nice. When I arrived home though I claimed up and didn't want to talk about a lot of that had to do with myself feeling guilty and some of it was just simply that I suck at verbal communication and she knows this. The next day I told her everything about it through txt as she knew I would she told me that she wants to know all the juicy details (now I don't know if it turns her on or not) so I told all. Later we talked about my communication and I assured her that I would tell her everything but that she had to give me time to soak it in myself she agreed to that. On my second outing it was with the same person but just sexual afterwards I came home and told her all about it play by play and that made her feel better aswell as myself feel better I didn't feel as guilty but I realised something that her and I had talked about in the beginning. We talked about our bisexuality and our connection with a partner she said she needed an emotional connection and I stated I just needed the male to male sex but after my second outing I realised I don't really care for going out and just having sex with a guy. So now I'm actively looking for a friend that I can have a long term relationship with. Now as my wife knows she is the only woman for me she likes the idea of me having a long term friendship with another guy better than just going out and having sex with guys. I must add that we have an agreement that either one of us can go play with the same sex as long as neither of us have sex with the opposite sex and we communicate about what were doing who were meeting and where. So far it has been working out but I have only played the two times and she has yet to find herself a friend but I'm sure it will come in time. So that's my story I hope it helps some of you and remember communicate and then when all else fails communicate some more.
We have basically the same agreement as sexual26 and his wife, she's cool with me fooling around as long as it's only with another guy. I recently got my wife talking more in depth about some of her own experiences and she's gone further with another woman than she'd previously admitted. Though she says she doesn't think its for her I have left it open to her if she decides she wants to experiment with it again. I get the feeling that it's something she may try in the future, but has to meet the right girl and work up the nerve to try it. It may or may not ever happen, but I have given her that option is she finds a girl she's amicable toward.
Right now I'm working on creating an agreement of sorts that will detail the who, what, when and where of an open relationship. The more I think about it, the more I think an occasionaly Friends With Benefits situation is the one that suits me best. I want a bit of emotional connection but not a second marriage.
That's good ax my best advice when it comes to the wife is to let her deal with her biside in her way and never try to force her into anything. I maybe browse around and see an attractive lady and tell her about the person but its her choice to talk to them or not. Same goes with a threesome I'm not to keen on the idea of her being penetrated by another guy to start but I would like to share a cock with her orally but ultimately its her choice if she wants to get involved with my partner and I. Forcing her to do anything could result badly for me and what I've worked hard to acheive.
My wife and I are open to each other. She's had a FWB for over 3 years now and I've been getting some men on the side for around 3 years. There are no secrets between us. We recently started playing together with other men and found it to be a blast. She's got no objection to me being with another woman but I'm not that interested in one.
