I'm curious how it went in the days and weeks after telling one's spouse your bisexual, particularly with those who spouses/significant others are not open to bisexuality, or very closed minded and old fashioned. I did so a few weeks back.
You are entering uncharted territories because every person is different. How you approach it will make all the difference in the world. The first thing you need to do (in my opinion) is ensure she knows that she is loved and that you have no plans on leaving. If you fail to do that, you've lost. When my wife found out, she'd known for a long time that I was bi-curious so the shock that I'd actually done something wasn't as bad as a wife not having any idea. My wife's sister was married, had kids, and then came out as lesbian. As far as some women are concerned being bisexual is the same as being gay and they are sure you are leaving to be with a man. I asked my wife why it was okay for a woman to suck cock, a woman to take anal, but not a man to do either? Why was it okay for a man to eat pussy but not for a woman to do the same? She really couldn't come up with a good answer. We are all sexual beings. Religion has screwed up sex for so many people throughout the years. It has resorted intercourse into being some sort of sacred act. It's not. Does your wife feel that masturbation is cheating or a violation of sacredness? Both men and women do it. It feels good. I am out to my daughters (2) and step-daughters (2) as bisexual. My youngest sister knows and her response was TMI (too much information). I don't have contact with my older sister, but I imagine that my younger sister has told her. Although I consider myself to be discreet, I do have a pride flag sticker on my car and also the international oval driving decal for Burundi (BI) on my car. I'm 70 years old, my wife of 20 years knows I'm not going anywhere. One article I read that might help you is "The last person out of the closet? The bisexual male." http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/06/28...set/index.html Although it talks about the couple being monogamous, that part needs to be worked out between you and your wife. My wife and I have rules on what I can do. I must use protection for anal. I am denied bring anyone home. I must not hide what I am doing or when I am meeting someone. I must always put her first. I must not embarrass her. Everything else is negotiable.
My husband broached the subject with me while we were casually playing one night while watching porn. The guy reached down and played with the other guy. He watched quietly a few minutes and asked if I thought that was bad. I told him not really. Fortunately for me, I've been friends with several bisexual guys in my lifetime. I somehow suspected he had interest, yet he had never said anything. A careful discussion ensued and once he was sure I wouldn't flip, he admitted that he wanted to experiment with his bisexual side. Of course I love him and want to give him everything he wants. So I told him I would be fine with it, as long as it didn't become a serious problem. We agreed that if I felt uncomfortable with any of it, all I had to say was that I didn't want that anymore and it would stop without argument. Personally I think it's hot to see two guys going at it while one (or both) are fingering me - or not even. I'm just there watching them. Hell I found out (much to my embarrassment) that my Husband is actually better at blowjobs than I am in some aspects. He taught me some stuff and really improved my technique. He can definitely get our third to cum much faster than I can - then again I'm working more at length of time rather than gaining the prize immediately. If your partner is open minded and loves you, she'll let you experiment. Is she at all offended by alternate lifestyle relationships? Sex with another woman? If not, then you may be able to explore a bit. Good luck! I know I enjoy it very much.
The operative words there, SecretlyNaughty, is IF she is open minded. Gals like you and my wife are maybe one in a half million at least. I know guys whose wives would kick them to the curb,take them for all they're worth, and to boot, would never see their children again. Most women aren't that open minded and it's why there are so many sexually frustrated men in this world....sad.
I guess I was "lucky" is some respects. First, my wife was brought up in a fairly liberal family with parents who had gay friends so my wife is fairly accepting of the gay community. Second, I came out because I was caught having an affair with a guy so being bisexual wasn't the big issue on the table. The affair was. But yeah, as NakedinSeattle said, my wife got a little viscous against me at first telling me how much the kids would hate me and turn against me. That never phased me since they were older and have gay friends of their own.
Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts. Looking back I'm glad I made the decision to tell her, and don't regret it. In a strange way I think it's made our marriage stronger. No more hiding who I am. Now we're both still adjusting to this, but living authentic to myself and her is important to me. I never thought in a million years I would have ever admitted to her I'm bisexual, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but here today as I write this, I wouldn't go back and change anything.
I can't tell you how happy I am that you told her and she is accepting who your are. It WILL make you relationship stronger and less stressful. And thank you for sharing your journey with us. Bless you both!
Good to hear it went well!
Me coming out to my wife was a mixed blessing , for the time being I am not allowed to have a boyfriend but on the other hand she has become more explorertory in our sex Life 1. I am shaved from chin down 2. Wear panties full time. 3 she makes sure I eat every drop of cum I ejaculate. 4 she loves strap on fucking me. I think it helps that she had some bisexual experience s and has hinted about hooking up with an old gf.
My wife was somewhat upset when I told her I'd played bi and gay before we were married. As a middle school aged horny guy I jerked off with friends while we all had girlfriends. We'd meet, share our homework to save time, and then jerk off to super-8 porn or dirty magazines the hosting kids dad had stashed away in the basement where we played. It was about 4 or 5 guys. One day it's just me and my friend Mike. We started touching one another (which we never did in the group setting). Of-course this later evolved to sucking and even to fucking. It was so hot to take his mom's vibrator in my ass in his parents bed and eventually his cock. We sucked, fucked, showered, and had fun all summer while his parents were at work. We had the house to ourselves. Eventually we moved on. I told a later girlfriend who got soaking wet as I told her about it. We immediately took my cay and went to a local ABS where she watched and joined me sucking a few cocks and fucking one another silly because we got so hot. Years later I ran into her and we spent a few hours talking over coffee. We ended up in b ed a few times where she told me "if we had married you could have a boyfriend, because it's something I can't give you and I want you to be happy". Boy, talk about a shock ! She later told me a lifelong fantasy was having two men make love to her and "it would be okay if they played and I helped"...shit... Well, for various reasons I married another gal. Conservative girl from a great family who only slept with one other person before me. Meanwhile I had slept with over a hundred men, women and couples (combined total) in my life...two totally different people from two different places. Eventually, we were talking in the heat of passion and I asked her to slip a toy I had bought her into my ass. She was surprised and said "don't tell me your gay !". I said "well, I HAVE played with men, women and couples in the past...". She was a little upset. I learned later it was more because I had not told her before we married than waiting till later. I screamed out " I didnt tell you because I didn't want to lose you". She's a great mom, a great wife, a great business partner, and we raised two great kids who are loving and accepting of all cultures. The wife and I play with toys...we will suck a fake cock together, she will strap on and fuck me when things get hot. She feels that doing this "keeps me from finding it elsewhere" when in reality I still do enjoy the occasional guy or couple. Not much into other women as they come with too much baggage and risk. Guys "get it".... ironically one summer night on the deck she'd been drinking and smoking some herb and suddenly started asking about "those days". How did you discover you liked men ? Who did you play with ? I worked as a musician on cruise ships and had many encounters on the high seas, besides responding to a few adult classified ads in the NY NJ area to meet couples and others for play. I grabbed her to kiss her and reached down after one of these heart to heart chats and she was socking wet ! I said to her "this makes you hot doesn't it?"...she looked at me almost embarrassed...I think deep down if the right guy or situation came up we could have an amazing time...but I don't push it. In the meantime I enjoy occasional discrete encounters with select married bi men I meet here, on other websites, and have fun when I can on the DL. So I guess in the grand scheme of things she accepted that I had a wild and bi past and i even suspect my kids know, as my son made a comment about "clearing my internet history" (in a moment of not paying attention)...I apologized and said I'd hoped he wasn't upset. He said I was always his dad, he still loved me, and it wasn't his business to judge. My daughter is moving out to a condo and made a joke last night about "now you can schedule your swinger parties..."..we nervously laughed. I said "yes I ordered the hot tub and love swing for your room already"...lol. Life marches on.
I came out to my lovely wife of 30 years about 9 years ago. Prior to that she had seemed so insecure I was hesitant to say anything for fear she'd get paranoid everytime I was out of her sight. I had very little happening to 'confess' to anyway at the time. Her response was amazing. She got on the internet and booked me an hour with the cutest little 26 yr old rentboy you ever saw then took the kids to a movie. Best. Wife. Ever!
Coming out to my 1st wife was a bit of a planned accident. She knew I liked eating my cum. She liked to watch me do it; loved me to clean up my cream pies. I was also able to self-suck and she loved that too. I had a coworker that loved my wife's tits and talked about them a lot. At the same time my wife had the hots for my coworker. So I told him one night when he came over for a beer to sidle up to her, put your hands on her shoulders or waist, then move to her titties and see what she does. When he did just that she dropped her drink and her jaw, while at the same time she soaked her crotch. What a good time was had by all that night. But it wasn't until our 3rd get together that he and I went at it. She got right into it. My 1st wife....from an ultra-conservative family that would have died from coronaries if they ever had known.
I came out to my wife about three years ago she took it rather well. After about three weeks of in-depth q&a she requested since I am a total bottom that maybe I needed to shave more then just my cock and balls, so I am now hairless from my chin to my toes she helps me shave the places I can't reach. The lastest development is she has also cut off us having sex , she uses toys on me and feeds me my cum and I get her off with toys,fingers and tounge. Last night she asked me if I wanted to take the next step. I asked what she ment, she wants me to start dating men. She also confessed to trying women over the past couple years but says she prefers cock still. When I find a boyfriend she says that will give her the reason to find her a stud also. Last night she says she proved I am a sissy gay slut cause the only way I got hard was when she fucked me with a dildo. I couldn't stay hard with out it in my asspussy.
It was hard at first I told her I would never cheat on her but would love it if we could have a 3some with another guy and suck dick together but she don't want to. I love her very much and always will
Here is a great site for guys out or coming out to their wife's. (HOW) members.how-support.org
