is anyone else 'out' enough that coming out to your kids is an issue? i'm wondering what to do as my children are getting older and we have lots of out friends - if they are gay/bi I don't want them to feel the kind of fear i did, but i also don't want to freak them out!
Well to me this seems like one of those cases where it's just more trouble than it's worth. I just don't see a reason why your kids need to know. The way the wife and I plan to handle this issue is just to tell them I'm going to hang out with my friends. If anything happens at our house it will be when the kids aren't there. Right now we only have one child and she is only two so this isn't such a big issue for us. Later on though, I just don't see the point. It is gonna have an effect on your children one way or the other if you come out to them, and most likely the effects are not going to be positive. If you simply must for honesty's sake I'd wait till they are adults and better equipped to deal with it.
it's really situational. I'm out to the world at large - I can't keep it from my children forever. For me it's not a question of "should" but a question of "how soon".
Well if you're situation is such that you're kids are gonna find out whether you tell them or not then I suppose I can see why you want to do this. In that case, it probably is better that they hear it from you rather than finding out some other way. My concern is what may happen if other kids in their school find out. How old are your kids?
Elementary school age. We have lots of gay/bi friends and know some gay/bi parents too so the concept won't be a shock, but when it's their own parent...
This is a sticky subject. Every couple has their own way of dealing with a mixed orientation marriage and what works for you may not work for others... I'd recommend you have a long discussion with your wife about this and come to some agreement with her about how you should handle this.
we're having a couples therapy session next week and I'm going to bring it up then, I think
Funny but my daughter sort of told me that she knew and was OK with it when we visited a local mall in Atlanta together. She was 19 and always dated slightly older guys and had met a few of my (younger male) friends. We were walking though the mall when my daughter stared at a handsome man and commented, "Dad, he is good looking. If he is not my type, maybe he is yours." Enough said!
I have no intention of telling my kids that I'm bisexual. It's not an issue for me and they have no need to know. I agree it's a personal decision that each person has to make but I can see no reason why I would need to tell them. I'm out to the people who need to know and that's enough for me in my situation.
My daughter was 17 when she figured out, and asked me if I was bisexual. I did not lie to her. I said yes I am, and I'm sorry if that bothers you in anyway, but it's what I am. She said she was okay with it, and that she was curious about women. She is 28 now, and we have a very open relationship.
Hey this is an interesting topic. I came out to my parents when I was 18 and it was really traumatic because it took them completely by surprise. When my daughter was 15 she told me that had lesbian feelings. She said she was probably about 20% lesbian. I've never lied to our kids about any of this sort of stuff so I just replied that I thought most people probably were a bit bi to some extent. She replied "What even you Dad?" So of course I said "Yes even me". She had had no idea. She then asked me "How gay was I?" I didn't want her to feel unsupported if she was understating the degree of her bisexuality so I told her the truth and said I was 50:50. She was pretty surprised and but I think I was the coolest dad around, in her eyes, for month or so. My wife (straight) wasn't impressed by my off the cuff decision to tell our daugher and felt it was inappropriate. However, I'm convinced I made the right decision. Fifteen years on I have a close relationship with both my kids. My straight son has never mentioned my sexuality although I know that my daughter told him as soon as she knew. I got pretty good advice that when bring up children to just answer their questions as they ask them. And to answer them honestly. It certainly worked for me.
Coming out is a very individual choice and individual circumstances vary. I just ask that people think back how nice it would have been to have a bisexual role model in their life. For myself I believe that we owe it to our children to be open about who we are. I didn't find out that bisexuality ran in our family until I was almost 40 yet I struggled from 4th grade because I looked in the mirror and saw a bisexual and had no idea if I would be accepted or who the person looking back was. How cool would it have been to have been told that's OK half the family is bi or lesbian. When a child struggles with their sexuality and they find out their own Mom or Dad was secretly one of them it creates an understandable anger. I have occasion to talk with college students at GLBT conferences and this anger is a recurring theme among students who find out their parents are GLBT and never told them. In my case it has strengthened my relationship with my children who are now in their 20's and are strong advocates for GLBT rights .They go overboard in supporting their friends. They have joined me in making our world a better place for our GLBT populations.
We have been swinging for a long time. We did not do things in front of or children when they were younger, of course, however as they got older we did not lie to them when they became aware that we were going away for "adult" things. They are 20's now and both are married, and they are also both involved in swinging, and as such have learned about, well, things. I don't know that I have reached the point where I have "come out" to myself yet. I still have trouble with the whole idea of being bi or whatever, in spite of the reality.
I have 3 pre teen boys and i don't plan on telling them i am bi. my wife knows and lets me go and play when i want. we are very descreet about my playing and use the cover story that i am going to a meeting etc.
