Bi and Poly

[newbie40]

How about hiring a baby sitter and all 3 of you get out to play for a few hours?

[NotLostJustWandering]

Thanks, everyone, for the wonderful article and your comments. I never considered poly as the way for me until quite recently, and where I'm living there's nothing like polybi community (hell, homosexuality is against the law) so til I move on I'm counting on Internet forums for information, dialogue and support.

Especially now, having just broken up with a gay lover who mocked me for my MMFF dream, I so appreciate accounts of people who share my dream or are even living it. (I've foresworn dating any more monosexuals, and I get I shouldn't even consider bis who want to be monogamous.)

I guess people come to poly out of different motivations. I have a deep instinct to be faithful to any lover I'm seeing regularly, and to seek out a life partner. Of course this has always made poly seem unthinkable. But ironically these same desires have led me to consider poly, simply because I've come to think my desires for a man and a woman will always get in the way of any attempt at life partnership if it's monogamous. I don't need dozens of partners. One man and one woman would be perfect for me, and the idea of more doesn't even appeal to me (does this sound funny?). I just imagine a second woman would be necessary to keep the other happy (I'm assuming she's bi, too; anybody know of any straight women happily in a MMF? Hard for me to imagine.)

2guys1girl, I am particularly delighted to hear of your story, and I hope you'll keep posting as it unfolds. Love how in your profile you say you're looking for the 2nd woman to "complete" you. Wow, I'm not alone in seeing MMFF as the complete relationship!

Speaking of that 2nd female, what about what Bothbi_cpl813 said about "that elusive bi-poly-female"? Are BiPoly women in short supply? opinions, everyone?

Interesting to see the different forms poly takes. There seem to be more reports of lifestyles that take what you might call a open-chain model -- person A is seeing both person B and person C, who in turn in seeing D who is seeing E, etc. -- rather than a closed-circle model where more than 2 people are together but aren't seeing anyone else. Is this indicative of the poly scene, or are the open-chain people just posting more?

I'm not crazy about the primary/secondary lovers thing (just speaking about what I want; I can see why this works for other people). I wouldn't want to be anybody's secondary lover unless it looked like a possibility of evolving into equality. I wouldn't join a couple or triple and expect right off the bat to be as close to them as they had already become to each other, but I would only put myself in this secondary position if everyone's stated intention was to try being equal lovers together. And likewise, I'd feel horrible about subjecting someone to being my secondary without any hope of ever having equal status with my primary.

[DGoncz]

I am bi/poly with two current female partners and one who's waiting for me to get some sense snapped into my head before we resume. No men at this time, but one dear Teddie Bear that I loved deeply in my past who changed my life and let me know I could love a man or a woman.

Thanks for the encouraging article. My approach to socialization is to attend my local poly group and just hang, try to be cool, and let the bi stuff happen later. Less-long-term partner says I work the room, but she's just kidding.

Look at my profile if what I say is not clear: I am an unprejudiced judge of human character. I am discriminating but I do not discriminate. At least, I try to be that. And that's all anyone can do, just let it happen. In other words, keep flying the plane; work it but don't jerk it.

D.

Still subscribed to this thread and read them as they came along.

I"m now very clear about needing to be Lucky Pierre, penetrated by him while penetrating her, or the other way 'round if she's using an equipment.

I've had two years of student and associate memebership with AASECT, reading dialogs between sexuality educators, counselors, and therapists and posting wildly off-base and inappropriate writings of my own (to no rebuff) to realize it's OK to be who I am, or what I am. I may attend their Conference just days away, June 3 in Pittsburgh, PA.

I've had an 80-hour training (IRCI, not AASECT) that qualifies me to listen to someone for 30 minutes at a time without interrupting, judging, or falling asleep, and bill Medicare for that, even if that someone just tried to kill themselves or someone else, or can't see me because they see a grasshopper instead, or an alien, or a dead body with worms coming out of it.

I do what I can, when I can, as I am able.

Feldendrais is my latest try at integrating the walls of defensiveness and restriction that make up an intelligence with the natural wisdom of wet, warm, vibrant tissue. I like it. Is that simple enough?

I'm reading and playing in DC June 12 at 7 PM. PM me to find out where, if you're around.

Yes, some of us are poly/bi. It's just what we are. My signature card at the bank shows a Pi [slash] Double Gender Symbol after my name, for a good reason. The sooner we all get to being what we are, *as* who we are, the better. This world don't need no more fakes. A lover who's gone now told me "silence is acquiescence." Remember that this Memorial Day. Love is worth fighting for. Echo. Mirror. Validate. Empathize. Have it out, try it on for size, see if it fits, then decide and find our where your responsibility takes you.

Hello, out there, my Teddie Bare, friend for a time, still got a dime, call when you can, if you can find me, I'll know your voice, I will never forget you, O my luscious, slippery, fuzzy Teddy Bare.

Hi Angel.

[Realist]

Very interesting story!

Anyone can put their own spin on the description of poly relationships. Long-winded intellectualizing of what you think poly-armory is and isn't, does not affect how I feel about it. Basically, I know that 3, or more people can live together in harmony, in a loving and mutually gratifying relationship.

I admit to having tried and failed to live in more than one relationship with 2, or 3 others. However, on two occasions I was successfully involved with one married couple....which lasted about 13 months, and one with two females for about 24 months. Circumstances beyond our control ended them, but while they lasted, they helped create enough memories for a lifetime.

In neither of those relationships did jealousy ever become an issue. It had been the cause for failure with the other attempts.

Without writing a long diatribe, I can say that those relationships were the most exquisite and loving of my 69 years.

[FemmeFatale]

I just dont work well in monogamous relationships...I see the polyamorous relationship I'm in as happy and it feels more natural to all three of us.
The main cause of any arguments is too much testosterone when the guys get stressed and as the supposed calming female presence I have to keep them apart for a while.. Before I was in the relationship I knew about polyamory but not an awful lot, we're all bisexual but of course anyones sexuality in such a relationship isn't as big a factor as made out.

[TulsaTriad1]

We are new to the poly lifestyle and I enjoyed reading your post. It gives some insight on if the way we are feeling about each other is real or the "right way" to do it. We are a married couple with a boyfriend.

As a bi male 25 years coupled and over seven years tripled, I can attest that it is quite possible that the way you are feeling about each other is real. The "right way?" Nobody can answer that but the three of you.

What happened to us is that we looked at each other across the blankets in the morning and said, "This feels surprisingly okay."

Communication is key, of course, but that's true in any relationship. I think the Three C's play a special role in poly success because the logistics are so challenging. As my wife sometime puts it, "Now I have two men to interrupt me."

Our relationship is different from (but not better than, except maybe for us because it's ours) some of the others discussed in this thread in that none of us is actively looking outside. I've seen the term "polyfidelity" used for those who choose a slightly expanded version of the traditional notion of exclusivity, but I'm not sure that quite describes us either. We've generally given each other options, and on occasion, one or the other of us has exercised that option in an episodic sort of way.

Part of the poly ethic is recognizing that people are free to choose -- we just keep choosing each other.

Part of the LGBT ethic is to be who you are -- besides being good personal advice, that's pretty good relationship advice, whatever your orientation.

Can it work with more than two? You bet. At least for some of us.

How can you make it work? Be yourself, be honest with your partners and don't forget that love is a verb.

[TulsaTriad1]

where I'm living there's nothing like polybi community (hell, homosexuality is against the law) so til I move on I'm counting on Internet forums for information, dialogue and support.

I just imagine a second woman would be necessary to keep the other happy (I'm assuming she's bi, too; anybody know of any straight women happily in a MMF? Hard for me to imagine.)

Greetings from Oklahoma, Wandering! I guess homosexuality isn't against the law here, but it sure ain't Christopher Street. Actually, we have a remarkably close-knit and supportive (and large) GLBT community here. Cairo could be next!

As for the straight F with two Ms? Yes, that's possible, too. But she has lots of other women, of all orientations, to support her. (And FWIW, she thinks that MMF makes a lot more sense than the MFF configuration that many str8 men seem to fantasize about. Logisitically speaking, of course. Plus in terms of getting stuff fixed around the house.)

[kinsey4]

Hey people, I'm new here, just read through all the comments in this thread and gotta say it's interesting to see what other people's experiences have been, thanks for posting!

Also, that great big 'poly translation' post here, for which I'm assuming the person was banned - did anyone else find that really funny?

[NotLostJustWandering]

Hey people, I'm new here, just read through all the comments in this thread and gotta say it's interesting to see what other people's experiences have been, thanks for posting!

Also, that great big 'poly translation' post here, for which I'm assuming the person was banned - did anyone else find that really funny?

Yeah, it was funny, but that guy wasn't. Go through his posts and you'll see that most of them were attacks on other members. I'm amazed he posted as many times as he did before he got banned.