DIY Threesomes

[Brian]

By Jen Bowers

Is there anyone out there who hasn’t fantasized about a threesome? Anyone at all? Didn’t think so. It’s the most popular sexual fantasy out there, and for good reason. Sex is great, and adding another person to the fun is like pouring hot sauce on your food. More flavor in every bite. As bisexuals, we experience sex with men and women, so what better way is there to revel in your bisexuality than in a roll in the hay with one of each?

When we dream about our ultimate sexual experience, we picture an ebb and flow, a give and take; an easy, graceful act with seamless transitions from one position to the next. All we have to do is gaze into the other person’s eyes, and we’ll know exactly what to do. Having sex is easy, right? Think again. If you think sexual maneuvering between two people can be complicated, adding a third person into the mix can be downright difficult. You’ve got some planning to do. Not only do you have to wonder who to include in your sex play, but now the question is How?

Many threesomes start out with a couple looking for a third person. In the straight world, it’s often two women and one man, as many het guys are uncomfortable with another erection in the room. Luckily, as bisexuals, we’ve got a whole world of choice just waiting for us. Will it be two guys and a gal? Will it be a homogeneous group? Who will be doing whom? Consider the guidelines outlined below and you’ll be well on your way to a pile of fun.

COMMUNICATE: It’s not the most exciting instruction ever, but it’s essential to having a sexual encounter that’s satisfying for everyone involved, and can prevent uncomfortable moments after fulfilling the passion. It doesn’t matter when you talk about these things, but be sure to cover all the bases. Talking about your desires, expectations and potential triggers is vital to making sure that no one’s feelings are hurt, that you have a safe and healthy time, and, above all, talking about it increases your chances of getting to do it again!

If you’re a couple searching for a third person, you have to be very aware of power dynamics. Couples are used to one another, and are aware of what pleases the other person. Bringing a third person into your bed can be intimidating for the newbie in the group.You’ve probably got all kinds of silent communication that the third person won’t be aware of, routines that you follow or body language that expresses arousal or discomfort and this can tip the power balance in your favor. Encounters between three single people can be less complicated, emotionally, but still require each participant to disclose vital information about themselves.

Things to discuss before you take off your clothes:

1. Exactly what will be involved? Who is comfortable doing what, and to whom? What are your turn ons and turn offs? Do you love giving head? Do you hate having your anus touched? Are you comfortable being spanked? Sex means lots of things to many different people, don’t make assumptions about what people consider to be sex acts, or about what they’re willing to do. Who will be penetrated, if anyone? Will there be toys? Will you be at someone’s home, or will you choose the more anonymous hotel room?
   
2. What kinds of safety measures will be taken? Will you have code words, similar to engaging in S/M play? Will friends know where you are?
   
3. Safe sex is important here. Remember that condoms need to be changed every time the partner changes. This goes for toys and penises. Will you use dental dams? Who’s bringing the lube? Even couples who are fluid-bonded (those who no longer use barrier methods of protection) need to use condoms, gloves or dams with a new partner. It’s best to be prepared for these things. Nothing is less sexy than having to run out to the drugstore in the middle of things.

GET GOING
Okay, all the talking is over, and the fun can begin. But now you’re sitting around looking at one another like dorks. What should you do to kick things off? The same thing you would do with any other partner: watch some porn, give each other massages, have a pillow fight, hang out in a hot tub, talk dirty to one another, whatever you want. Just pick something that you all agree is sexy.

Threesomes can involve some serious gymnastics, if you like, or they can be pretty meat and potatoes. With a variety of breasts, hips, butts, cocks and mouths it can be difficult to decide where to start. Here are some suggestions:

The Voyeur: One person refrains entirely from sexual activity and just watches. They might make comments or masturbate, but they don’t actually touch the other two people involved. This can be a great way to integrate a third person into your play without the emotional complications of physical contact. It’s also a good way to test yourself to see if you’re committed to a triad. The voyeur can also take a leadership role, telling the other two people what to do. Don’t think that the person who is watching is missing out on the fun. It’s like directing your own porno flick, only better.

Tag Team: One person can lay, sit, or stand and the other two participants can do whatever they like. It works nicely if you divide the receiving partner in half, with one person taking the chest, head and torso, and the third person taking the legs, feet and groin. This is a great way to start a threesome, and is particularly fun when everyone takes turns being satisfied by two people at once. Lick, suck, stroke, caress, or nibble on whatever shows up in your vicinity. Two mouths on one body can produce an awful lot of pleasure; this can make for some pretty mind blowing orgasms. What could be more enjoyable than having two people fulfill your every erotic wish, at once? Just lie back and relax…if you can!

Two People on Top: A guy, or girl with a strap-on lays face up with one person straddling their hips and the other person sits astride their face. The two people on top can face each other and kiss or fondle each other. Another possibility is that they both face the same way, which can allow for penetration with toys or fingers or anal play. The person on the bottom is going down on one person, and penetrating another. The top two players are both getting off at once. One small warning: The person who is giving head and fucking the second person may not provide the best oral sex ever. They may be a little distracted. Having a vibrator on hand can fix that problem.

Doggy Style: This is a favorite of many seasoned swingers. One person, A, lays on their back and a second person, B, crouches between their legs. Person B can go down on person A, while Person C can play with person B doggy style. Again, we’ve got the combination of oral sex and penetration, or finger fucking. As a bonus, doggy style is also the best position to hit someone’s g-spot. This is a great way for two girls and a guy to all get involved at the same time. It also works well for three girls and a strap-on. It’s also a possibility for three guys at once, if the middle person is into anal penetration. For any group of three, it’s a great way for the middle person to get spanked.

Doggy Style Variations: One Person lays down, and is straddled by another person who is facing forward. The person facing forward can provide oral sex or a hand job to another person standing in front of them. While this sounds complicated and technical, it’s pretty simple to execute. Another possibility is for one person to sit on the first person’s lap and to pleasure the third person who is standing in front of them. This works best if the person standing is a guy. A technical point: it’s easier to give head to a guy who is standing than it is to effectively eat pussy from this angle.

Oral Sex Triangle: This one is pretty self-explanatory. It’s like that team building game you can play where each person lays with their head on another person’s stomach and tries not to laugh. Except for the Triangle we’re talking about you lay face down in someone’s crotch, instead of face up. It’s like a sixty-nine, only for three people, not two.


If you’re looking for more inspiration, watch some good porn, peruse the Kama Sutra, or make a visit to your local sex store. Or you could just lay in a big naked heap and see what happens. If you foresee lots of threesomes in your future, you may want to invest in a sling or swing, or if you have a very private backyard, a hammock. Having someone suspended in mid-air gives easy access for two people to genitals and chests and mouths. It takes a lot of the acrobatics out of fitting three people on a bed or couch. Above all, use your imagination. If it feels good, repeat it! If you’re lucky, the combined erotic imagination of several people will create all kinds of new experiences for you.

Before you set off on a world of adventure, there’s just one last word about communication. Don’t forget to debrief afterwards. Having sex with more than one person at once can be an emotionally powerful experience. Be sure to check in with your playmates to make sure that everyone feels secure and happy afterward. You can do it in the shower right after, over email the next day or on the telephone. Let everyone know you appreciated their openness and are committed to their happiness. If someone has just fulfilled a lifelong erotic fantasy of yours, it’s only polite to say thank you.

(c) Copryight 2006 Jen Bowers

Jen Bowers is the Editrix and publisher of SMUT Magazine - Pretty Much What It Sounds Like. SMUT is a polysexual compilation of erotica, photography, articles and columns designed to enervate, titillate and activate the sex positive community. Queer, straight, bi, trans, SMUT has it all. Jen Bowers has previously worked with Planned Parenthood and as a sex educator at fine queer friendly, women-focused sex stores.

[Flounder1967]

Wow that really helped. As bi-husband with a strsight wife this giver both of us some key info. the article is almost a self help in learning what to do and how to do anything. A very bid thank you to Jen for writing the aritcal and Drew for featuring here on this site.



Thank you

[Michelle401966]

I can say that it didn't work for me. When I was married I wanted to have a threesome with hubby and a girlfriend. Well more then once I tryed it with hubby. But it was always with another women. He was straight and jealous of me being with another man, and said no to the experience. So before the marriage was ended I put a stop to threesomes. It was ok to a point. But you can only give some much attention to a person at a time, which means someone has to be left out at some point. So for those that had a great time good for me. Wish I could say the same. Have a great day everyone.

[arana]

I can say that it didn't work for me. When I was married I wanted to have a threesome with hubby and a girlfriend. Well more then once I tryed it with hubby. But it was always with another women. He was straight and jealous of me being with another man, and said no to the experience. So before the marriage was ended I put a stop to threesomes. It was ok to a point. But you can only give some much attention to a person at a time, which means someone has to be left out at some point. So for those that had a great time good for me. Wish I could say the same. Have a great day everyone.

I'm so sorry your experiences weren't all that they could have been (((Michelle))) but I can see how easily things could end up like you described. With more than one partner you have to deal with the communication issues, jealousy of one or more parties involved, and you have to find just the right 3rd person who you can trust to be a part of your sexual relationship but not damage it with their own agendas.

Thank you for the article Jen, it was very informative.

[DÆMØN]

Been there, done that, can't get enough lmao! I just adores threesies... but gosh thems so rare for a "single" dude unless specifically invited. I'd love a few more MFM or FMF even MMM romps in my life too.

[candor05]

As a regular male who has experienced both mmf and mff sex, I can say absolutely that mmf is more enjoyable. I don't have impulses to play with guys one on one, but if a female is involved, I go crazy for the play!

I confirmed this recently, when I met a married couple at a Toronto conference.

We had lunch together on the first conference day, then had drinks afterward. We clicked so quickly that it wasn't long before both her husband and I were rubbing our hands up and down her open thighs and pussy under the table. She wore no panties, with sheer natural nylons and white garters. She was mature, striking at 48, and he was a well groomed and relatively fit 50. And wow, could she still ever get wet! By the time we left the lounge to go back to their hotel room, she had left a rather large wet sticky spot on the seat!

Upon entering their room and pouring drinks, she immediately lay back on the bed and spread her legs wide for us to see, while she played with herself; penetrating her blonde pussy with a nicely large black dildo. We sat and watched her, sipping our drinks as our dicks got ever harder. He started stroking me through my pants, while I told him how I love the sight of her juices coating the black plastic cock. He told me he wants to suck my cock with her while i licked her pussy. The logistics of this were not foreign to me...I'd done this before and love the position.

Soon enough, I was on my back, while she was doggy style over my face, sucking my cock. Her hubby joined her between my legs, and they went to town on my cock. The both of them sucking, or her on my balls while he took my deep was incredible while i licked and got my face soaked on her pussy. Now this is a position that should be mentioned in the above article!

Or, another favorite: We are 69, her on top sucking my cock while I lick her pussy from underneath, while he comes into her from behind. My tongue on her clit while he enters her fully and deeply. I don't know what it is, but I just love the sight of a pulsing, wet and hard cock slowly sliding in and out of a soaking pussy...the sound, the scent and the taste of both is such an incredible turn-on!

One couple I had a longterm committed relationship with (meaning also: no condoms) just loved the sharing of my cum. He delighted in licking her pussy immediately after I had filled her and pulled out, or deeply french kissing her while I came straight into her mouth, my cum hitting both their tongues.

The first time I tasted his cum was when he fucked her doggy style while she and me were down on each other doggy style.

Let me remind you that this was a mature, open woman who knew what she wanted and got extremely wet when she got it. I was underneath her, licking her gorgeous pussy and drinking her juices, while she took my aching cock deep in her throat. Her husband then layed his thick cock over my face, just at the opening of her pussy...I reached him with my tongue and licked the head of his cock. I put my tongue on her clit while he very slowly slid the entire length of his cock into her. He was buried to his balls inside her, which is when i slid my tongue into her pussy next to his cock...when he pulled out, my tongue felt the length of him.

I thought this was hot and rich and tasty, but was even more thrilled when he would pull his cock completely out of her, coated and shiny with her juices, and slide into my mouth. The taste of her on him drove me wild! Sucking him for a while, I'd then take him in my hand and guide him back inside her open pussy. We'd repeat the process for a while, until we all agreed we couldn't take it any more. Literally, he'd ask his wife if she wants us to keep fucking her, or if she wanted our cum...

When she said she was ready for us to fill her, he almost immediately shot a huge load of cum into her pussy, while my tongue was inside her next to his spasming cock. He was probably almost spent but still cumming when he pulled out of her pussy with a noisy slick sound and immediately put his soaked cock in my mouth to finish. My first taste of cum! but I wasn't finished. When he had finished, her filled to overflowing pussy was directly over my face, with his cum beginning to drip down...I wanted to 'stop' it, so I put my lips around her pussy. The taste was amazing, and the thickness and quantity of both their mixed juices turned me on so much I started cumming in her mouth with great, convulsive, total-body orgasmic satisfaction like I'd never felt before!

Luckily, he quickly made his way between my legs to share my cock and cum with her. Was absolutely the greatest, watching them share my huge load of thick white cum while i finished eating his from her open pussy.

Wonder if any others have experienced similar?

[bigregory]

Yes you must always say thank you or better yet send flowers.
Great thread,i can see the years of reserch you did has paid off.

[ambi53mm]

Excelent Article!! and right on target with great insight and advice. I've enjoyed many threesomes since my 20's and had my first bi threesome three years ago next month. Couples seem to work best for us ( bi wife) if both are bi it just adds that little something to the experience called balance that we've come to enjoy. Being sandwiched between two is always served up best if you're in the middle

Ambi

[NEJack]

This is an outstanding article, and includes some positions I have not tried.
I would add dp and dvp to the list. Best position for both is for 1st M to lie on his back, legs over edge of bed, F mounts him and then lays on him, 2nd M then enters doggie style. If dp, take time first to work her opening wider and use lots of lube. If dvp, lube may be necessary. The top cock needs to be very stiff in both situations. In dvp the m's have to coordinate sliding in and out together. After 2 or 3 get togethers the m's can become quite skilled at this.

[kickasstrinity2]

Thank you for the article....it will help improve my threesome skills in the future.....thanks again

[CountryLover]

My girlfriend and I have had several threesomes with her husband. We usually do the tagteam setup, it seems to work very well for us.

First we start with her because she's slower than me to orgasm. We trade off kissing, fondling and licking her to her first orgasm, then it's my turn Her hubby is really turned on by my multiple orgasms and ability to squirt, so when I'm ready for a break, he's on the verge and she and I share him orally and give him his choice who he wants to cum with. Then he and I turn back to her and share her, or he goes to pick up the kids from the in-laws, and she and I play separately.

Communication is the key, and careful observance of limits. He's HER husband and I have absolutely NO claim on him beyond the playtime I was invited to by them both.

Now that I'm with my honey, at his request there are no more threesomes with my girlfriend's husband. However, we are looking for *just* the right man for a male companion for him - who will be invited to play with us both, if the chemistry is right.

Some of us are just hardwired monogamous...some of us are not. Knowing yourself, your own limits is a big step to knowing if you can enjoy threesomes/moresomes.

[lilme]

Being a part of a threesome is a great and fun thing to do. It seems that you know your partner real well, but when you are with the third person the real partner comes out. It is a lot of fun, everybody should do it.

[ethernight]

I highly recommend Threesome: How to Fulfill Your Favorite Fantasy by Lori Gammon and Bill Strong. It also has a lot of great information for bisexual women on how to seduce women. (Something we are notoriously bad at.)

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0965071669/

[jazz5]

As a regular male who has experienced both mmf and mff sex, I can say absolutely that mmf is more enjoyable. I don't have impulses to play with guys one on one, but if a female is involved, I go crazy for the play!

I confirmed this recently, when I met a married couple at a Toronto conference.

We had lunch together on the first conference day, then had drinks afterward. We clicked so quickly that it wasn't long before both her husband and I were rubbing our hands up and down her open thighs and pussy under the table. She wore no panties, with sheer natural nylons and white garters. She was mature, striking at 48, and he was a well groomed and relatively fit 50. And wow, could she still ever get wet! By the time we left the lounge to go back to their hotel room, she had left a rather large wet sticky spot on the seat!

Upon entering their room and pouring drinks, she immediately lay back on the bed and spread her legs wide for us to see, while she played with herself; penetrating her blonde pussy with a nicely large black dildo. We sat and watched her, sipping our drinks as our dicks got ever harder. He started stroking me through my pants, while I told him how I love the sight of her juices coating the black plastic cock. He told me he wants to suck my cock with her while i licked her pussy. The logistics of this were not foreign to me...I'd done this before and love the position.

Soon enough, I was on my back, while she was doggy style over my face, sucking my cock. Her hubby joined her between my legs, and they went to town on my cock. The both of them sucking, or her on my balls while he took my deep was incredible while i licked and got my face soaked on her pussy. Now this is a position that should be mentioned in the above article!

Or, another favorite: We are 69, her on top sucking my cock while I lick her pussy from underneath, while he comes into her from behind. My tongue on her clit while he enters her fully and deeply. I don't know what it is, but I just love the sight of a pulsing, wet and hard cock slowly sliding in and out of a soaking pussy...the sound, the scent and the taste of both is such an incredible turn-on!

One couple I had a longterm committed relationship with (meaning also: no condoms) just loved the sharing of my cum. He delighted in licking her pussy immediately after I had filled her and pulled out, or deeply french kissing her while I came straight into her mouth, my cum hitting both their tongues.

The first time I tasted his cum was when he fucked her doggy style while she and me were down on each other doggy style.

Let me remind you that this was a mature, open woman who knew what she wanted and got extremely wet when she got it. I was underneath her, licking her gorgeous pussy and drinking her juices, while she took my aching cock deep in her throat. Her husband then layed his thick cock over my face, just at the opening of her pussy...I reached him with my tongue and licked the head of his cock. I put my tongue on her clit while he very slowly slid the entire length of his cock into her. He was buried to his balls inside her, which is when i slid my tongue into her pussy next to his cock...when he pulled out, my tongue felt the length of him.

I thought this was hot and rich and tasty, but was even more thrilled when he would pull his cock completely out of her, coated and shiny with her juices, and slide into my mouth. The taste of her on him drove me wild! Sucking him for a while, I'd then take him in my hand and guide him back inside her open pussy. We'd repeat the process for a while, until we all agreed we couldn't take it any more. Literally, he'd ask his wife if she wants us to keep fucking her, or if she wanted our cum...

When she said she was ready for us to fill her, he almost immediately shot a huge load of cum into her pussy, while my tongue was inside her next to his spasming cock. He was probably almost spent but still cumming when he pulled out of her pussy with a noisy slick sound and immediately put his soaked cock in my mouth to finish. My first taste of cum! but I wasn't finished. When he had finished, her filled to overflowing pussy was directly over my face, with his cum beginning to drip down...I wanted to 'stop' it, so I put my lips around her pussy. The taste was amazing, and the thickness and quantity of both their mixed juices turned me on so much I started cumming in her mouth with great, convulsive, total-body orgasmic satisfaction like I'd never felt before!

Luckily, he quickly made his way between my legs to share my cock and cum with her. Was absolutely the greatest, watching them share my huge load of thick white cum while i finished eating his from her open pussy.

Wonder if any others have experienced similar?

I had a similar LTR (no condoms) relationship for over ten years. We (the guys) both were straight (until she got involved) and had no idea she wanted to see her spouse have sex with another male. She loved to share cum with both. He had a 10 incher and I loved 69ing with her as he fucked her. The taste and sights were great. The first time I had a cock and cum in my mouth was from this position. She told her husband to pull out and me to suck him then she wanted me to snowball her. It really was different.

Haven't had any bi-sex since then as I definately would want a no condoms arrangement like that one. LTR MMF relationships seem to be very few and far between. Never had a FFM, could be interesting!

[DareMe]

If only I could find myself an MF couple now...Need to practice!!! Any volunteers?

Great article.

DM

[OralBradley]

"I had a similar LTR (no condoms) relationship for over ten years. We (the guys) both were straight (until she got involved) and had no idea she wanted to see her spouse have sex with another male. She loved to share cum with both. He had a 10 incher and I loved 69ing with her as he fucked her. The taste and sights were great. The first time I had a cock and cum in my mouth was from this position. She told her husband to pull out and me to suck him then she wanted me to snowball her. It really was different."

Now there is my most enduring fantasy! We once actively looked for a gay or bisexual man to share our bed, but all we found were str8 guys who wanted to fuck her and ignore me.

Whenever we went to a swing party, I always headed for the group grope for a couple to join while she usually found some woman for herself.

[Hardon-Bi69-Ohio]

I would like to try a 3 some, some day my self. So far it has been just a 1 way. I know that I would love 3 some.

[Hardon-Bi69-Ohio]

I believe that a 3 some would be a very interesting thing to try out for a 1st. time & even for would like it & enjoy it as well after the 1st. time.

[twodelta]

This is a very interesting and thought provoking article. Cat and I have enjoyed several MMF relationships over the past few years and continue to do so. Its very liberating to both of us to be able to share each other.

[Doggie_Wood]

Very informative - Thanks - BTW, 3 somes, 4somes and moresomes area gas.

[runwildtonight]

Ive been close to having threesome a couple times, once with a straight woman and a gay guy, the gay guy ended up bailing cuz he didnt want to have sex with her although we practiced a bit a few times before he decided (this was while I still consdidered myslef straight) and another time was with 2 females, a girl I was seeing and her lesbian best friend, we started by having a few drinks and I kissed her she kissed her friend , I kissed her frined It progressed, she passed out, me and her frined were so hot at this point we kept going a little bit but called it quit because the girl I was seeing was now asleep and didnt want things to go sour the next day, very unfortunate, but Im sure one day it will happen

[trapp]

undefinedundefinedundefined I would like to say that when we started our exploration into extra-marital sex.....it was awesome and scarey at the same time.....but thanks to our 1st time haveing a mmf 3some with a close male friend of ours...it turned out to be an experience that we had many times over....and since then my wifes bi-side came from within as well as my bi-curiosity.....so in closeing let me say this.....if you and your mate are thinking about 3 somes and or moresomes....make damn sure you both know what it is your delving into.

[terry727]

I would like to congratulate all who have send a reply to this thread, I have had a few 3spmes moresomes but this was when I was a lot younger and do miss them, I see from those here you are all in the staes, well I am in the uk and would so like to see if there are some couples or even 2 females who would invite me along to give them pleasure and give me some also. Terry

[sylvstlo]

undefinedlove it swwet

If only I could find myself an MF couple now...Need to practice!!! Any volunteers?

Great article.

DM

[bisubbie]

Something I love is her on her back, my dick in her pussy while he has his cock up my ass. Wonderful position that feels soooo good!!!!

[thinman521]

By Jen Bowers

Is there anyone out there who hasn’t fantasized about a threesome? Anyone at all? Didn’t think so. It’s the most popular sexual fantasy out there, and for good reason. Sex is great, and adding another person to the fun is like pouring hot sauce on your food. More flavor in every bite. As bisexuals, we experience sex with men and women, so what better way is there to revel in your bisexuality than in a roll in the hay with one of each?

When we dream about our ultimate sexual experience, we picture an ebb and flow, a give and take; an easy, graceful act with seamless transitions from one position to the next. All we have to do is gaze into the other person’s eyes, and we’ll know exactly what to do. Having sex is easy, right? Think again. If you think sexual maneuvering between two people can be complicated, adding a third person into the mix can be downright difficult. You’ve got some planning to do. Not only do you have to wonder who to include in your sex play, but now the question is How?

Many threesomes start out with a couple looking for a third person. In the straight world, it’s often two women and one man, as many het guys are uncomfortable with another erection in the room. Luckily, as bisexuals, we’ve got a whole world of choice just waiting for us. Will it be two guys and a gal? Will it be a homogeneous group? Who will be doing whom? Consider the guidelines outlined below and you’ll be well on your way to a pile of fun.

COMMUNICATE: It’s not the most exciting instruction ever, but it’s essential to having a sexual encounter that’s satisfying for everyone involved, and can prevent uncomfortable moments after fulfilling the passion. It doesn’t matter when you talk about these things, but be sure to cover all the bases. Talking about your desires, expectations and potential triggers is vital to making sure that no one’s feelings are hurt, that you have a safe and healthy time, and, above all, talking about it increases your chances of getting to do it again!

If you’re a couple searching for a third person, you have to be very aware of power dynamics. Couples are used to one another, and are aware of what pleases the other person. Bringing a third person into your bed can be intimidating for the newbie in the group.You’ve probably got all kinds of silent communication that the third person won’t be aware of, routines that you follow or body language that expresses arousal or discomfort and this can tip the power balance in your favor. Encounters between three single people can be less complicated, emotionally, but still require each participant to disclose vital information about themselves.

Things to discuss before you take off your clothes:

1. Exactly what will be involved? Who is comfortable doing what, and to whom? What are your turn ons and turn offs? Do you love giving head? Do you hate having your anus touched? Are you comfortable being spanked? Sex means lots of things to many different people, don’t make assumptions about what people consider to be sex acts, or about what they’re willing to do. Who will be penetrated, if anyone? Will there be toys? Will you be at someone’s home, or will you choose the more anonymous hotel room?
   
2. What kinds of safety measures will be taken? Will you have code words, similar to engaging in S/M play? Will friends know where you are?
   
3. Safe sex is important here. Remember that condoms need to be changed every time the partner changes. This goes for toys and penises. Will you use dental dams? Who’s bringing the lube? Even couples who are fluid-bonded (those who no longer use barrier methods of protection) need to use condoms, gloves or dams with a new partner. It’s best to be prepared for these things. Nothing is less sexy than having to run out to the drugstore in the middle of things.

GET GOING
Okay, all the talking is over, and the fun can begin. But now you’re sitting around looking at one another like dorks. What should you do to kick things off? The same thing you would do with any other partner: watch some porn, give each other massages, have a pillow fight, hang out in a hot tub, talk dirty to one another, whatever you want. Just pick something that you all agree is sexy.

Threesomes can involve some serious gymnastics, if you like, or they can be pretty meat and potatoes. With a variety of breasts, hips, butts, cocks and mouths it can be difficult to decide where to start. Here are some suggestions:

The Voyeur: One person refrains entirely from sexual activity and just watches. They might make comments or masturbate, but they don’t actually touch the other two people involved. This can be a great way to integrate a third person into your play without the emotional complications of physical contact. It’s also a good way to test yourself to see if you’re committed to a triad. The voyeur can also take a leadership role, telling the other two people what to do. Don’t think that the person who is watching is missing out on the fun. It’s like directing your own porno flick, only better.

Tag Team: One person can lay, sit, or stand and the other two participants can do whatever they like. It works nicely if you divide the receiving partner in half, with one person taking the chest, head and torso, and the third person taking the legs, feet and groin. This is a great way to start a threesome, and is particularly fun when everyone takes turns being satisfied by two people at once. Lick, suck, stroke, caress, or nibble on whatever shows up in your vicinity. Two mouths on one body can produce an awful lot of pleasure; this can make for some pretty mind blowing orgasms. What could be more enjoyable than having two people fulfill your every erotic wish, at once? Just lie back and relax…if you can!

Two People on Top: A guy, or girl with a strap-on lays face up with one person straddling their hips and the other person sits astride their face. The two people on top can face each other and kiss or fondle each other. Another possibility is that they both face the same way, which can allow for penetration with toys or fingers or anal play. The person on the bottom is going down on one person, and penetrating another. The top two players are both getting off at once. One small warning: The person who is giving head and fucking the second person may not provide the best oral sex ever. They may be a little distracted. Having a vibrator on hand can fix that problem.

Doggy Style: This is a favorite of many seasoned swingers. One person, A, lays on their back and a second person, B, crouches between their legs. Person B can go down on person A, while Person C can play with person B doggy style. Again, we’ve got the combination of oral sex and penetration, or finger fucking. As a bonus, doggy style is also the best position to hit someone’s g-spot. This is a great way for two girls and a guy to all get involved at the same time. It also works well for three girls and a strap-on. It’s also a possibility for three guys at once, if the middle person is into anal penetration. For any group of three, it’s a great way for the middle person to get spanked.

Doggy Style Variations: One Person lays down, and is straddled by another person who is facing forward. The person facing forward can provide oral sex or a hand job to another person standing in front of them. While this sounds complicated and technical, it’s pretty simple to execute. Another possibility is for one person to sit on the first person’s lap and to pleasure the third person who is standing in front of them. This works best if the person standing is a guy. A technical point: it’s easier to give head to a guy who is standing than it is to effectively eat pussy from this angle.

Oral Sex Triangle: This one is pretty self-explanatory. It’s like that team building game you can play where each person lays with their head on another person’s stomach and tries not to laugh. Except for the Triangle we’re talking about you lay face down in someone’s crotch, instead of face up. It’s like a sixty-nine, only for three people, not two.


If you’re looking for more inspiration, watch some good porn, peruse the Kama Sutra, or make a visit to your local sex store. Or you could just lay in a big naked heap and see what happens. If you foresee lots of threesomes in your future, you may want to invest in a sling or swing, or if you have a very private backyard, a hammock. Having someone suspended in mid-air gives easy access for two people to genitals and chests and mouths. It takes a lot of the acrobatics out of fitting three people on a bed or couch. Above all, use your imagination. If it feels good, repeat it! If you’re lucky, the combined erotic imagination of several people will create all kinds of new experiences for you.

Before you set off on a world of adventure, there’s just one last word about communication. Don’t forget to debrief afterwards. Having sex with more than one person at once can be an emotionally powerful experience. Be sure to check in with your playmates to make sure that everyone feels secure and happy afterward. You can do it in the shower right after, over email the next day or on the telephone. Let everyone know you appreciated their openness and are committed to their happiness. If someone has just fulfilled a lifelong erotic fantasy of yours, it’s only polite to say thank you.

(c) Copryight 2006 Jen Bowers

Jen Bowers is the Editrix and publisher of SMUT Magazine - Pretty Much What It Sounds Like. SMUT is a polysexual compilation of erotica, photography, articles and columns designed to enervate, titillate and activate the sex positive community. Queer, straight, bi, trans, SMUT has it all. Jen Bowers has previously worked with Planned Parenthood and as a sex educator at fine queer friendly, women-focused sex stores.

Thanks this is sooo true . bob in golden TX

[Urge1974]

Jen...what a great article! I have had 3somes MMF & FFM and I find that being thr third is always easier that being a couple and inviting someone in. It was for me anyway. I have also found at this point that I really prefer one on one (perhaps with someone watching). My only comment here for anyone considering this (especially if you are a couple) is talk, talk, talk. Communication is soooo important in this situation. If you find that 3somes are your thing, have fun!

[bi-in-wausau2]

You left out another combination - ones with TG's. I've done 3somes MMF, FFM, and TGFM, and the TG one we did twice was the best. The MMF ones were ok, but since I didn't mess with the other guy, it was a bit limited. I can say that if all people don't engage each other, what happens is that if you are the majority, you feel a bit left out at times. So knowing this, I'd really say that all parties need to be open to some level of direct contact with all other people.
it really helps to hang out a bit and talk, and loosen everyone up. its also good if you talk about whats ok *before* you get naked - it avoids ackward moments.

bi-in-wausau2

[To_by]

Jen Bowers -- This is a terrific article! I really enjoyed the insights you've gained from what seems to be a depth of wisdom.

I love threesomes, especially bisexual threesomes. There's a kind of energy that races around within the loving congress of three people that is pure satiety when everyone is communicating and turned on. Problem is I think there are too few times when the elements necessary to a menage-a-trois can come together. I want more threesome energy in my life.

I've found a partner, a woman who would be very open to our together finding a man to ask to join with us in sexual play. Adding a male lover seems right. The question is: Where does a couple go to find men to seduce, who are bisexual and also good folks? We're thinking of doing a little candle-magic to that end.

[wildgal70]

Wow, good article. I was reading some of the comments and I agree about everyone getting to know each other well before the party starts. Everyone must know what's ok or not, and understand that (if a couple is involved) the 3rd party does not gain some sort of relationship with either of the couple after sex. This has happened with me. I had a friend once join me and my guy. All was fun and great, but afterwards she began to behave as if she had some sort of say so in our relationship. Not a good thing.
Something else I've experienced has been the breakup of a couple we've swapped with. The guy asked me for a date not long afterward. Not using my best judgment, I agreed. Well, sort of. The 3 of us went out (me, my guy and the other guy) and my guy got so drunk, he passed out, leaving me and the other guy "alone". Long story short, my female friend (the ex g/f) got pissed when I told her. I figured being honest was best. We had a tiff for a while but made up, and now all is well.
Threesomes are fun, but can present some tough situations. I think all possibilities should be thought about before doing it. I'm not into sleeping around, I think finding just one 3rd lover is better than just swinging left and right, but that's up to you.