Originally Posted by
swbell3
Truelove201,
I'm rested and refreshed, so now perhaps I can string together some words that make sense.
The short answer to your question of how I can be sure that this is as far as it will go sounds rather trite: My marriage vows. When we were married twenty years ago, I promised to "forsake *all* others, for as long as we both shall live." Though at the time I hadn't realized (admitted, whatever) my attractions, this promise still applies, regardless of gender. All means all. My wife is my best friend, and my lover. There is really no question of wholeness in this situation. She is my life partner, and she completes me.
On the Kinsey scale, my wife would be a zero, if possible. Absolutely straight. Period. So, even if I was interested in a more "open" relationship, that wouldn't be in the cards.
When I came out to her, I was terrified. She had stuck with me through some rough times, but I was afraid that this was beyond the pale. When I sat down and told her everything, her response was not one of revulsion or rejection; it was "I love you no matter what, and we'll get through this together." I am truly blessed with the most wonderful friend in the world. That was fourteen years ago, and I'm still trying to figure things out.
It's been an interesting (in the Chinese curse sense of the word) process. I tend to be torn between two mindsets. On the one hand, given the first paragraph, why even bother thinking about it? That's sort of my wife's mindset. Myself, I have to think things through. Fit the new pieces into the jigsaw puzzle that is me.
Yes, I am attracted to both men and women. If I hadn't married, who knows what might have happened? As it is, I am where I am, and what I am. My presence here, and my goal in all this, is to understand myself a bit better by knowing and understanding others like me. (and, perhaps make some new friends in the process.)
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